heaven on earth.

Do you ever feel really, really lucky to be alive?

Could be at that perfect concert, right before the band comes out.  The anticipation is thick, and you get just a brief second to feel grateful that you're there.

Could be the moment you realize just how much a friend means to you.  Maybe you haven't seen them in a long time, but you notice them do that one thing that only they do, and a flood of memories rushes back.  You get this happy, tickling feeling just remembering that you know them so well.

Have you ever been around a dog when a gust of wind blows by?  He'll stick his nose into the air, taking in all the fresh smells.  You can see it when he's hanging out the window of a moving car, too.  It's almost like he's trying to get the most out of that moment of life--not missing even a single scent.

We love these moments because they give us a tangible connection to something bigger than ourselves.  Whether we find it through a good pint, a good view, or a good conversation, we love this feeling of "living life to the full."  We're getting such a sweet taste of a better life.

I love Paul's prayer for the Ephesians, because he makes a request for this very fullness of life.  He doesn't want to manufacture this feeling through substance abuse or thrill-seeking, nor will he wait around for the next random moment to come his way.  He knows the Lord is the only source of true life, and responds accordingly.

"...that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."  [Eph. 3:19]

But how?  There's so much pain and hurt in the world, and if we're really honest with ourselves, we all contribute to the brokenness around us.  How possibly can we be filled with this fullness?

"I tell you the truth, whoever hears my words and believes him who sent me HAS eternal life and will not be condemned;  he HAS CROSSED over from death to life."  [Jn. 5:24]

Present tense.

Believing that Jesus is the son of God redeems your soul, and God lives within you in all His fullness.  You have eternal life at that moment.  Our time on earth will still feel the curse of sin, but that too will one day be redeemed. 

I'm broken, you're broken--hope in Jesus Christ is a hope in He who ordains all of those moments we love about life.  Not only that, but even more than we can ask or imagine. [Eph. 3:20]

So the next time you catch yourself saying "it's like heaven on earth!" you might be closer to the truth than you think.

Desperately wanting to be myself

It's so great to see old friends.  It's even better to know that I can be myself.

I get so caught up sometimes in trying to be the person that I assume people want me to be, that I miss out on a big fact of life:  people want you to be yourself.  That's what I want in other people, so why is it so hard for me to do it in my own life?

I remember back to my second semester of college, when this was a big struggle for me.  It was the end of my freshman year, and I was getting ready for a big transition (as if freshman year isn't transition enough).  I had been invited to work at a summer camp, and I was filled with a mix of nerves and huge excitement.  Four years removed, I can say that this was one of the best decisions I ever made, but at the time it was a big deal to make this commitment.

I'm from the mountains--this camp was on the coast.
I'm a people-person--I only knew one person working at this camp (I had only heard two people even mention it in my life).
I know nothing about boats--this was a sailing camp.

In the midst of all this, do you know what my biggest prayer was? I desperately wanted to be able to be myself.  I wasn't sure exactly what this looked like, but I felt like it was something along the lines of goofy, outgoing and confident.

I didn't find the answer that summer, and I still don't have it.  I can tell you that I've spent the past few months taking an honest look at myself, and I've come to a pretty stark conclusion.  I'm pretty bad, all-through, when left to my own nature.  It hasn't exactly been a healthy state of self-image during this time, but I feel like I'm finally turning the corner toward understanding and "getting" God's grace more and more each day.  It has been a real answer to prayer to experience it in different ways.  Basically, you and I naturally suck, but God loved us so much that He couldn't stand by without changing that fact.

This means that I'm accepting help, charity, welfare--but it's beautiful.  It's making me come alive, and it's so refreshing.  Amazing grace.  I'm starting to view that phrase as less and less of a cliche.  I pray for the day when you and I can humbly accept and rejoice in this truth together.

There's so much more that I want to write!  I've already written and erased twice as much that's written here, so this is probably a good place to stop.  As always, thanks for reading.  See you soon, friends--and hopefully as a humble, real version of myself :)