stopping. smelling the roses.

Fund development can be approached in both healthy and unhealthy ways.  It's almost 6pm on Saturday here in Raleigh, and I just finished a bunch of emails to follow-up with people I've been contacting.  I was about to slam this laptop shut, jump back in my car, and then hustle up to a cookout with fellow staff from the area, but I need to take a quick second.

Or maybe a few seconds, but just long enough to remind myself of the mission.  Do you ever get like that--so engrossed in the work that you have to remind yourself what the bigger picture is?

So, perspective:  the phase of my job that I'm in right now requires that I spend time communicating with people my passion, and asking if they want to be a part of it with me.  Dude, that's awesome.

So, Patrick, before you hurriedly rattle off emails, phone calls, and coffee dates remind yourself what you're really doing.  Sharing your passion and letting God provide the resources to obey His calling, and then work for His kingdom on the College of Charleston.

"THIS IS THE STORY OF AN ADVENTURE"

For those of you that were following along with the entries from ONS, sorry for bailing on my discipline to blog each day.  I don't feel bad about going this long without posting, but I do regret not taking the time to write from each day of the conference, even if it was just a little bit.  The truth is that so much happened--late nights, early mornings, and long sessions in between--that I shuddered at the idea of sitting down to think at the end of the day.

I don't really like that about myself.  I know that at the end of the day it's normal to feel tired, but often I just feel extra lazy.  Especially when I shirk something that I know to be so rewarding in the long run, such as journaling or blogging about life.  I'd like to try and discipline myself to blog a little more often, now, even just a few thoughts.

That said, I'll briefly tell you that I finished the third installment of Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia today.  Before Caitlin left for the beach a few weeks ago, I encouraged her to start reading the series as well, and just yesterday I found out that she's caught up to the third book already.  I was thus inspired to read some this morning, and was able to finish The Horse and His Boy just after morning coffee with her at Global Village.  And now I remember why I read the series so quickly the first time around.

For me, this is the book that really hooked me.  When I first read the series during my freshman year at State, I was so surprised by the turn taken by the adventures in this book.  I totally ate it up. As the opening line reads, "THIS IS A STORY OF AN ADVENTURE," it doesn't disappoint.  The story is set in a neighboring land to Narnia, but the geography, culture and religion couldn't be more different.  There's even some romantic tension that develops between the star-crossed main characters, which is always good to get me invested in a story :)

Looking forward, I might skip Prince Caspian in my series re-run.  I know that I soldiered through the second book on a count of purism, but I just re-read this fourth book before the recent adaptation was released on the silver screen.  It's not that I didn't enjoy the book, in fact I always remember it fondly as Andy's favorite.  It's just that I REALLY love The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, number five.  In case you haven't read it, it's a tale of the high seas--epic adventure with classic characters.  I don't remember exactly why I loved it so much, but I know that was before I even worked at Camp Don Lee and have hence developed a love for sailing.  I don't get to enjoy it all that often now that my three summers at camp have passed--it's not my kind of but I rarely pass up the chance when I get it. (This even worked its way out in Madison during ONS!  Courtney, Abby, Doug and I got to rent a small boat and really soak up the sun on a relaxing Sabbath day.  Well, mostly relaxing, haha.  I can tell you another time.)

Okay, I've convinced myself now to skip right to this book.  The only problem is that I just arrived in my mom's hometown of Lincolnton, NC, and I didn't have the presence of mind to grab it off Josh's shelf before I left Raleigh.  I'll be here for a few days doing fund development, and I could definitely get some good reading done.  I think an early morning trip to North State Books is in order.  It's the best used bookstore here in town, and it's right on the court square.  I'll be able to grab the book, snag a good cup of coffee a few doors down,  and then enjoy the beautiful NC summer weather!

U-S-A!! U-S-A!! (ONS - Day 3)

This is so tense.  Yes, i know it's 2:45pm and the US-Algeria game is already over, but here at ONS we've gathered in the main room to watch a delayed broadcast.  It's still 0-0, with about 17 minutes left, and the tension is so thick in this room.

It took me a few minutes to figure out that picture.  Only 15 minutes left now.  I can't take much more.

I will say it has been a real treat to be so invested in the cup this year--a first for me.  It's been great to have a more global perspective for a few weeks, and I love the conversations I've had with people from other cultures on the mere premise of soccer.  And I love that I'm joining up with an organization, InterVarsity, that it so dedicated to pursuing justice and reconciliation on all levels, in the same way that soccer can seem to do.  Even if it's only once every four years.

Bradley free kick--gotta go!!

ONS - Day 2

It's almost time to head to bed, but I'm fighting my sleepy tendencies to share a little about the day.  I just finished walking down by the lakefront on a beautiful Madison evening.  After a full day of seminars on topics like InterVaristy's vision for the campus and how to tell stories well about God's transformational work through IV, we got to debrief the day with my small group, who I'm growing to love more with each session.  We sat in the aura of the Wisconsin state capital building, talked, prayed, swatted mosquitoes, and even kicked a soccer ball on the plush capital lawn!  (go USA tomorrow!!)

Yesterday was a little overwhelming.  I showed up late, as you can read from earlier, and I missed the whole check-in/mingle phase.  Thus, I walked right into the opening address and found my spot amongst 130+ people at my small group's table.  Surprisingly I was initially uncomfortable sitting in silence at a table with eight strangers.  I would normally relish this opportunity, but something was different within me.  As I listened to Keith set the tone for what is slated to be a transformational ten-day experience, my pride immediately reared back at the idea of vulnerability, change and growth.  I found myself trying to isolate myself, judge my small group members, and categorize my surroundings into understandable, familiar values.

It's amazing to see how the Lord can tear down even the strongest defenses we put up.

Very quickly I found comfort here.  We finally got to break off into our small group for discussion, and felt so relieved to find out that we hadn't done introductions yet.  From this initial sharing, I felt immediately warmer, and have not stopped growing in trust and love for the brothers and sisters in Christ with whom I'm sharing this conference.

Today I've come to realize where a lot of these feelings were coming from.  I'm entering into a career where I'll be depending directly on God for my financial provision, through the donations of friends, family and churches.  Now, it doesn't sound so bad when you put it like that, but can I just plainly tell you something?  It's scary.  This past week in community group we talked about letting go of control, and if you want a tangible example of this idea, try raising support.  I'm not even very far into the process yet, but I can already feel the effects starting to work on me. 

We've received so much wisdom today, I wish that I could share it all.  I'll just say that there are people here with innumerable years of fund development experience, collectively, and tonight a few of them shared from their personal fears and even failures associated with the process.  They also cast hope and vision through the beautiful moments in their fund development stories where the only thing they could do was praise God for His provision and goodness.  It's scary, but it's exciting.  

I'm excited to really depend on God.  How incredible would that be?  What would I even look like?
I'm excited to be free of the illusion that I've earned everything in my life.
I'm excited to have the opportunity to share my passion.
I'm excited to give people the chance to build something bigger than themselves.
I'm excited to see God transform lives--those on the campus, and those I get to meet with, who make the work on campus possible.

Although I'm overcoming many of the insecurities and myths that I've fallen into recently, I know that it will be a constant battle to keep these forces at bay once I get back home and hit the work again.  I will need so much prayer in this area, along with others.  I really can't do it on my own.  If you're down, let me know.  I'll keep you updated on how you can pray for me throughout this process.

I probably don't say it enough, but I want to be praying for you, too.  Whether you're at summer camp, one of my family members, studying abroad overseas, working a local summer job, or even here at ONS with me, let me know what's going on and how to pray for you.

ONS - Day 1

I pecked this out while flying into Madison, WI for a ten-day conference.  You've probably heard me mention it over the past few weeks (I've been pretty pumped):  it's InterVarsity's annual orientation for new staff (ONS).  Hopefully I'll have time to post more during the conference.  Right now is actually the end of our lunch break for Day 2.

Lake Michigan is really big.  I’m flying over it as I type this, on the third and final leg of my trip to Madison, WI.  Although I had a little anxiety when my first flight was cancelled from RDU, the day has been great--really.  This is by far the best seating arrangement I’ve ever had on a series of flights, the weather has been fair, and I found good company in my new friend, Jane, on our flight from DC to Chicago.  The only downer today was my own self-criticism and doubt.

After my flight was cancelled, I rebooked for a few hours later and was left with a lot of time to kill.  This was a recipe for time to relax before a busy travel day.   And I’ll mention that the RDU airport is one of my favorites--the new terminal, at least--so I was excited about a fun romp around the area.  All that said, it was a weird experience.  I was stuck between the indecision of napping, reading Scripture, watching the world cup, reading the Chronicles of Narnia.  Looking back, I feel like I spent the time well, but sometimes I just get down on myself, thinking I could've or should've been more productive.

All that said, I'm about to land in Madison, and I can't wait to see what the next ten days has in store.  Over the past few weeks I've been trying to take an honest look at my life, especially my relationships with others and my relationship with God.  Some of the conversations have been painfully revealing, some have been reaffirming, but all have been growthful.  I'm hoping and praying this will continue throughout ONS, and I look forward to sharing!  I hope and pray that all is well wherever you find yourself right now.  Cheers from Madison!

Posting this a day late, I can already attest that I'm experiencing through this conference more of this growth.  Will tell soon!

"ONCE THERE WERE FOUR CHILDREN"

Today I start reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, the second installment of C. S. Lewis' classic fantasy series.  The first book was a quick read, but it was great to go back and enjoy some parts that I had forgotten.  The first time I read The Magician's Nephew, I was so excited to read the entire series that I probably didn't give the first book quite the depth of read that it merits.  I had completely forgotten about the iconic scene of temptation at the climax of the plot.  In good allegorical form, it's complete with images of a mysterious garden, a sacred apple tree, and a character's test of faith.  I'll share with you one of my favorite parts, and one that I actually remembered from the first time around.  This is an excerpt from the scene where the two children, Digory and Polly (along with a few other characters) witness the founding of Narnia--a passage which serves as a beautiful, loose parallel to the creation story from Genesis.

 (We pick up this story in the middle of a dispute.  The characters have just stumbled into a darkness, presumably death itself.  The Witch says "This is an empty world.  This is Nothing."  The dispute is about which course of action is the best to follow next...)

"Hush!" said the Cabby.  They all listened.

In the darkness something was happening at last.  A voice had begun to sing.  It was very far away and Digory found it hard to decide from what direction it was coming.  Sometimes it seemed to come from all directions at once.  Sometimes he almost thought it was coming out of the earth beneath them.  Its lower notes were deep enough to be the voice of the earth herself.  There were no words.  There was hardly even a tune.  But it was, beyond comparison, the most beautiful noise he had ever heard.  It was so beautiful he could hardly bear it...

...Then two wonders happened at the same moment.  One was that the voice was suddenly joined by other voice; more voices than you could possibly count.  They were in harmony with it, but far higher up the scale:  cold, tingling, silvery voices.  The second wonder was that the blackness overhead, all at once, was blazing with stars.  They didn't come out gently one by one, as they do on a summer evening.  One moment there had been nothing but darkness; next moment a thousand, thousand points of light leaped out--single stars, constellations, and planets, brighter and bigger than any in our world.  There were no clouds.  The new stars and the new voices began at exactly the same time.  If you had seen and heard it, as Digory did, you would have felt quite certain that it was the stars themselves which were singing, and that it was the First Voice, the deep one, which had made them appear and made them sing.

There's a lot more to this passage that I've left out.  It takes up about two chapters, so I figure I'll leave more of the mystery for you to enjoy yourself.  I would recommend this book as a light summer read, even just for the enjoyment and imaginative picture of the passage I just sampled for you.  And if you're looking for an easy series to get wrapped-up in for a few weeks (or however long you like to make it) then start with this one.

As for me, I'm on to book number two.  It's the one that most are familiar with, and I was tempted to skip it.  My memory tells me that I really loved the third book, but this morning my purism got the best of me, and I decided to read through The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe despite my familiarity.  It shouldn't take too long, and normally a re-read proves to be pretty rewarding.  We'll see!

I can't resist.  Here are the final words of the founding of Narnia, spoken by Aslan the lion, revealed to be the source of "the First Voice, the deep one."

"Narnia, Narnia, Narnia, awake.  Love.  Think.  Speak.  Be walking trees.  Be talking beasts.  Be divine waters."

"what could a rabbit possibly be late for?"

Kaity and I are watching "Alice in Wonderland."  The old school, Disney version.  I can't wait for the Walrus and the Carpenter to come in...it was always one of my favorite parts.


It's so nice to be home.  There's so much comfort and safety surrounding you.  What's different about this trip is that it's my first time being home since I've graduated.  I'm no longer a student.

What an exciting, volatile place to be.

I'm about to start paying my own cell phone bill.  My own rent.  One of the biggest blessings I've had over the past few years has been my dad's car, and he's going to sign over the title to me.  I'm going to have my own car--this is a first.  So many new things.  So much responsibility.

This is the departure point into my own life.   What's awesome is that although this life is mine to live, the impact, fingerprint, influence of so many people will be evident on how the next years unfold.  Although at times my life has seemed like the adventures Alice found on the other end of the rabbit's hole, I've always had a support net.  It was amazing to see many of these very people at church this morning.  After six months away from Waynesville, I was able to hug them and tell them about my path into college ministry, while presumably they remembered me as the timid, skinny ninth grader that they met nine years ago.

Six months from now, I'll be coming home after a semester spent doing full-time ministry with students at the College of Charleston.  In the meantime, I'll amuse myself with Disney movies.